Have you ever had a dream at night?
Have you ever woken up and thought that reality was the dream and that when you blink you'll come back to the dream?
Have you ever felt like there's not much point to anything?
Have you ever watch photos of something really good, and felt like you can just turn your head away from the picture and the scenery and people will be right there beside you?
... I guess I'm longing back. I have a really hard time watching photos and keeping in touch with the people whom I met. I'm trying to keep myself occupied with other things, just as not to think.
I get these strange sensations every once in a while that I'm currently living in a dream and my reality lies in me still backpacking and traveling around. And it's like a punch in the stomach when realization creeps up on you.
There's been a lot on my mind since I last time wrote.. I've actually been putting it off since I knew it'd turn into one of these... more depressing entries of mine which serves more for myself to get my thoughts and feelings out into written words rather than your enjoyment and I apolog.... No I don't apologize actually. Haha, It's your fault for reading it ;P
I've been.. strangely cynical lately. And I watch people as I go to work as objects. Soulless beings whom are nothing more than cogs in a machine that controls them.
I watch myself being torn apart, piece by piece, turning into one of these cogs myself. It feels as if I despise them, as I am beginning to despise myself for letting it happen.
I'm doing things so... sensibly. I'm looking at apartments, thinking and planning ahead. Making a budget, thinking about electricity and what bank is favorable for me... all these grown up things and a small voice inside of me is whispering desperately "You're tying yourself up to society! You're not going to be free again! You scheduled your summer vacation a month ago for fucks sake! You can't go out traveling for even 6 months even if you wanted to! You're stuck... you stupid son of a bitch..."
Even so... I am who I am. And even if I do become a cog in a wheel. I'll make damn sure that I'm keeping my edges rough and grow back together at every possible opportunity!