2007Posted by Jonte Tuesday, December 11 2007 10:22:10
Well then. Now, finally my guard duty has begun and I'm tired as hell.
This mostly due to the fact that I had the shifts from 15-21 and 03-09. You're not allowed to sleep while being on duty in the middle of the night. And the shift from 06 to 09 is the most busy one, all the people working coming through and lots of ID's to look at, etc. It's somewhat of a pain and we made some major mistakes this morning, but we pulled through, with a bit of help.
I still haven't been able to sleep any and now in five minutes I've gotta be a "backpack" to some fellas who's doing work in areas they're not really allowed to be. So I'm there to make sure that they don't do anything stupid.
Which in reality means that I'm sitting there for 1,5 hours doing absolutley nothing.
I've already been up for 7 hours and 20 minutes, and will be up for far more.
Now I've gotta run. Catch me later!
2007Posted by Jonte Sunday, November 18 2007 02:03:28
Right'o. Well it's november, I dunno why it's in the category of August.. but that's not up for me to change, since I can't. But.. yeah.. I dunno what to do, heh.
Isn't the human mind funny? How it says one thing, but means something totally else? It lies not only to the person, but also to itself.
It should be considered stupid and silly to lie to ones self, but I belive it to be rather effective actually.
For example; When you're sick you're often told to "tell yourself" that you're healthy. When you're anxious about something you're telling yourself "I can do this, I can do this." Over and over again, until you finally, somewhere want to belive it to be true.
These lies works in all ways, if you want to deny something, have hope for something
you already know is forfeit, want something to happen. Well, you get the point.
You can, in fact, trick yourself that much that you create a sickness. If you belive yourself to have a headache, you probobly will get a headache, etc. The more advanced the sickness, the bigger the lie it requires. But it works.
The best human being should actually be the one who's the one most unaware of his own limits. Now, there aren't many people who are aware of their own [b]real[/b] limits, but they belive themselves not to be able to handle it.
This already happens in the very early ages when the "I can't do it, do it for me" starts. It's a clever way for the child to get attention and avoid doing things.
Thus, the one person who are totally unaware of what it can or cannot do should be able to belive that he/she are able to do anything, and since the human body works in its mysterious ways it would probobly find a way for it all to work somehow.
Too bad I know my own limits, or rather, my comfortable limits. I know that I'm capable for much more, but I don't see the point in leaving my comfortable life here just to find out how much crap I can take. I'm too smart for that
2007Posted by Jonte Tuesday, November 13 2007 19:37:14
Well, now I'm here once again (rather fast, wouldn't you say?). I'm not sure if anyone reads this since I don't get a lot of comments, but I write this anyway.
I heard a disturbing rumour today. A rumour which said that we might possibly move the 3-week-schedual forward one week. That would indeed suck very much since that would make me work on Christmas eve! And not New-year's eve which I've been set on doing since we got the scheduals.
For me it's unthinkable to work on Christmas eve, if there's one holiday I want to spend at peace, it's that one. I hope that my sister and her family will join us since that brings so much fun and joy. And for the first time in alot of years I find the Christmas holiday important to celibrate.
Not due to the religious tradititon, but to the whole "come-together" theme of the season. And belive me... "come-together" is not something you experience much whilst being here...
No, a holiday with the family would be great. I doubt it'll be a peaceful, sirene holiday like they show in the movies or commercials. But it'll be a From-holiday, as ususal with some argumenting, stress and stuff like that :P
But that's life, eh?
It's definetly better than sitting at a secret location with nothing to do and patrolling an area... Not that much fun really.
Oh well.. I've got time tomorrow at the rehab-doctor err.. you know.. for muscles and stuff. Yeah.. well, that.
I've gotten some troubles with my back and right knee. And next week I've got a time at the shrink of the base to see if he can change my views of the air-force and make it a bit more fun, heh, we'll see about that. But I'm going to give him a shot and see how it goes.
As you might've guessed I'm feeling rather bad about being here right now. It's not the thing I thought it would be. Or well.. maybe it is. But I surely wasn't prepared enough for it. It's definetly terrible. Although it would seem that the officers have gotten more respect for us after we finished the Solidier-test. That's a good thing!
2007Posted by Jonte Monday, November 12 2007 20:07:02
It was certernly a long time since I wrote now. I've been working somewhat on a peice I wrote while doing our dreadful "Soldiers-test". It was the toughest test in the history of the air-base; 100 km walk whilst hardly eating anything at all, with backpacks and weapons... yeah, you get the point.
It was terrible and don't ever do anything like it unless you really need to; nuff said.
After we did that I spent three weeks in one of sweden's most secret military places. Really cool! And I'm terribly sorry, but I can't write anything about it, since then I would be risking the "national security", hehe. It was pretty much relaxing and chilling out with really nice officers; these ones treat us like human beings, since we're going to live closely together while we're guarding the place for 7 days every third week.
Some other things have happened though which are pretty cool; I'm going to be a sorta "head figure" in some of my Hollandish teacher-friend's classes, all due to my efforts put into the Fingel's Quest in World of Warcraft. I feel hugely honoured about the whole business, me like!
I've also decided to, once again, open up the Fingel's Quest. But in LotrO this time. With some modifications of Fingelsbrew Steepsprocket. He's now a Hobbit and has a rather different story. But he has the same traits as the beloved ol' chap from WoW. People! Meet Wilderic Fingelsbrew - Hobbit Minstrel!
The housing and crafting-systems are perfectly suited for my needs, so I hope it'll be a blast! Sadly I cannot devote the same amount of time to the tavern, since I have the air-force crap still left to do. (I really think that sucks right now btw, just want to get it done. It'll be more of that later on, I can almost assure you.)
Well, the FQ-thing helps me get my mind off things in the air-force and fills my weekends with grinding for money, farming and cooking and looking up prices and locations for houses. The question is.... which house would fit my needs best?
I've so far decided; Bree Homesteads, standard house (To start with, I'll move to a bigger place as soon as I get the money for it).
Of course, I'll run the Quest like I always have, as much as a real business as possible. Thus I'll depend only on the tavern to supply money for the tavern and it's expenses.
It'll be a challange, as always, but I'm sure that I'll get the support needed from my customers and fellow players, hehe, well I hope so at least.
Now I have to, once again, leave the computer to a fellow soldier, hehe. I hope to finish translating that diary I kept during the field-week and soldier's test and rewrite it into the computer as soon as possible. When I do, I'm sure to make a copy of it here ;)
Soldier From out.
2007Posted by Jonte Tuesday, September 04 2007 20:34:37
Today was the first day we were allowed outside the gates during the evening. It was a needed break from the military society we're living in inside the gates, it's only tuesday so far, but it's still tiering with everything. I've bought alot of candy and stuff like that, ate a kebab instead of going to the dining hall here.
It was kick-ass sweet.
We couldn't get out and grab a beer since we're gonna be fireing the guns tomorrow, and it's rather stupid to drink alot the day before that. No mistakes allowed, hehe. A beer isn't much, but alot.. yeah.. that's a problem.
I also bought some neccissary stuff for my small fantasy-project I've been working on for a couple of months. It's going rather good and I've come up with a few more interesting stuff for "my world" I'm creating. Who knows? Maybe some day I'll be able to write a book using the world as a basis with all it's facts and stuff I'm lining up at the moment.
I'm going to try and explain how it feels to be here, since I can imagine that it's kinda hard to understand for any of you who haven't been put into a similar situation...
When I'm here it's night and day. You often concentrate on the assignment you have ahead of you and don't think about anything else. But, you're still aware of the fact that your in a prison of a sort. You're not allowed to leave the area, no matter what. You're surrounded by a large fence with barbwire and the police will come and pick you up if you try to get out. So it is a prison, and we train while we're in here.
We sometimes get yelled at, we get ordered to do stuff, to be in certain places at certain times. If we're not there at the designated time we might get to do the whole thing over again. Such as running up the stairs into the rooms, grab the raincoat; put it on, run down and out. And have like.. 50 seconds in total to do it in.
Then we have to do it until we make the time... It wears you down mentally and psycially. But you only have to endure.
Endurance.. that's what we train the most in there, mental endurance as well as pysical. To have a grown man screaming in your face and telling you that you're pitiful and that you'll never learn.
We got told that we almost reached the monkey-state.
Well, now my time's run out. I've gotta give the computer to someone else.
I'll try to write some more about it later on. :)
2007Posted by Jonte Monday, September 03 2007 20:56:06
Well, now I'm actually in place at the camp. In the Soldier's home. It's the place where we can go and have some fun and just relax after a day of hard work. However, we hardly ever see the place since we mostly quit working after it's closure. But now that we've gotten some spare time it's kick-ass sweet!
This week will be rather nice I think. We'll be trained to become security guards and already we've been taught a few techniques on how to remove people from property which they aren't allowed to be in.
Otherwise things are significantly less psycological harsh now'a'days.. The job as a 'Confidence-Person' is rather sweet and I've gotten alot of good responses to it. And I've gotten to know that people have alot of troubles which I could never compare myself to. It's astonishing to see how much sorrow the human body can take before it breaks down.
And also.. how little. Just the small change of nature, such as moving from the freedom of the home to the more stressfull military encampments is enough to bring some persons to a breakdown where they're constantly crying.
It's amazing to see all the differences of everyone, I'm just sad that I can't really suck everything up in my mind like a sponge and turn something beautiful out from it. My mind is already working too hard with all the different assignments we're given, and if I don't think about that, I'm thinking of home. It's rather wierd actually, we're constantly longing for home, when monday comes we're already thinking about friday.
I guess I'll just have to continue with sucking up information and treat it in my mind for later good use. We're being taught alot of good stuff which is incredible good "know-how". I just hope I'll put it to good use when I'm done.... And that I can hold on to being at the same mood I'm in now. Which is.. not good nor bad.
Sometimes it's been really bad. And it was especially so when I left home this sunday. That was really hard, to just leave the car and walk to the bus, I really didn't wanna go. But.. what the heck, we're in Sweden and I only do my military service for 11 months. Not too bad when you think about it. But it's still hard at those specific moments.
Oh well! Now I'm gonna grab some foodish and do some evening-work. :)
I'll see you all later, as soon as I have some time to write, or some thoughts to jot down.
2007Posted by Jonte Saturday, September 01 2007 00:14:27
Well then. It's been a while since I wrote last time and alot of stuff has happened.
First of all; I've joined the Air Forces through the military service here in sweden. I've been there for one month so far and it's been alot of changes for me. Most of the changes have been tough as hell now at the start, but I think that they're all for the better. I've proven to myself a number of times already that if you endure something really tough and hard and painful, you can look back at that the week after, or just during the weekend and say "I did that, and I survived without a scratch and it made me stronger."
I heard a officer say that "Pain is mearly weakness leaving the body."
Which might help somewhat when you're enduring stuff which you normally would've given up upon otherwise.
Okay, some small info about the Air-force life, without telling too much since I've signed a paper of security, etc. I've got a high level of security on my job there. I'm gonna know a lot of classified stuff :D Hehe.
We're currently 58 people in the group, 3 of them are girls. There's alot of different people, nationalities, religions, etc. But we're all swedish citizens and part of the same swedish army, which I think is extremly fun and overall very good.
Our officers are tough. They've all done their military service as 'Hunters' (The toughest military service you can do), and most of them have done it in K4 Arvidsjaur (the most northern part of sweden, thus the most tough place to do the 'Hunter' military service of all the places where you do it). So they're pretty much the best and toughest people.
I'm doing my military service as a sorta Security Soldier, so when I'm done with my basic training I'm gonna go rounds and work as a security guard at the base, and I'm gonna stay at a place where noone knows what's going on inside. :D Very cool!
I've had my first field week this week. That means that we've been setting up camp with tents and building toilets and pee-holes and dishwashing-places and storages, etc, etc. It's been pretty tough since it's gotten very cold and chilly here. And we've also been at the fireing range all week, shooting with our Ak 5's.
I hold the record of my group of smallest range of 3 shots in lying fireing position; total 3,9 mm between all the shots. That pretty much means that all the shots are in the same hole.
That's pretty neat! =D My other shooting didn't go that well though, but I'm amongst the best shots of my group, we're about 15-20 good shots in the group. Which is rather good I think.
I've also gotten good responses from the Corpral's who's been with our group (They joined the force 7 months ago and are helping us with education) and they think that I should definetly head for leading a group, which I am currently not elected for. I got elected as 'Confidence-chosen'. That means that all the persons in my group can come to me for support or if they feel that they've been treated badly, etc. I've got a better connection to the officers and also to the leaders of the leaders of the whole Air-Force base I'm staying at. It's pretty neat!
I beat the followup with 6 votes (I got 17, he got 11) :D
I luuuve it! It feels great that people already have confidence in me and that they think I'm alright.
Times and feelings goes up and down though. It's really tough sometimes, and sometimes it's fun. I had a breakdown about 2 weeks in, when I had a high fever and a cold, I sat outside and cried as I talked in the phone. But after that, it's been good and I'm doing alright.
Right now the time's past 00 and I've been up since 05... first thing I did was to bring down the encampment and do those kinds of stuff.. been working hard since I got up. Getting tired as hell, but I've gotta stay up some more.
Now I'm gonna quit before things starts to go blurry for me.
Nighty all! I hope I'll return soon! I've just gotta get some spare-time in the air-force and a computer to write at.
2007Posted by Jonte Wednesday, May 23 2007 03:44:53
Yees I know, my day-rythm is totally fucked up. Now I've said it. Happy? Okay, good.
The reason why I didn't sleep is that I.. once again, have the urge to create something. I've been trying to compose yet another song. It doesn't go that well. I got about.. well.. Three chords and ten note-plucks. I've also tried to write some lyrics or something, without results to speak of, soo I feel the need to write some here at least. Release some of the pressure.
It's kinda funny, the pressure. It's not really a pressure, since I feel like I'm gonna EXplode.. not IMplode..
There's so much I want to do and so little that I'm actually doing. Especially artisticly, I wanna write good lyrics and make good music to them. I feel as if I have the capability to do it.. it's just that when I sit down and try to actually do it every capable braincell took vacation without leaving any notice... It sucks bigtime.
How hard can it be to make something new lyric and music-wise? Get a tune which hasn't been used before, a lyric which touches subjects that people haven't touched before. Concidering there's only about 12 billion humans on the earth.. and we've had music and verse for weeell.. recorded... for well.. practilly since "culture" began. That'd be about, maybe 3-4000 years before christ, which'd be about 5-6000 years ago? And if we're 12 billion human beings today.. then we oughta've been a couple less back then.. and a steady decline.. but errr... That's like.. lots of billions of humies.
The thought of touching an untouched subject and tune seems rather far off at the moment. Since we've got a bundle of songs today.. imagine all the songs throughout history.. Yikes.
Oh well, I guess I'll head to bed about now and try to get some sleep, hopefully I won't be thinking too much.